Phone me Myo!
by Semiramis-Audron
Summary: What would be if MaloMyotismon would dedigivolve onto ultra level Myotismon after the last battle and live in an appartement in Tokyo? What if he had a full answering machine? One of my silly funfics
1. Intro

Jahey Fans! It's me! Semi! Yeah! (sweatdrop) Okay I know I dun have Fans... (crawls into a corner and relish's her "Mr.Big-Syndrome" )

Ok... Some of you might probably have read my Special Covert Interview (short CSI) about Devil May Cry's Vergil... If not! Shame on you, but as you are reading this here 'cause you fancy Digimon and not DMC... I will forgive you!

Disclaimer: Just the normal bits. Nah I dun own Digimon or something else I probably might take from somewhere else that is not my ownership. All the other stuff belongs to me except the stuff that doesn't belong to me. All clarity defeated? Great! Than I can start my fanfic. (You dun have to be lunatic to read it, but it helps... says Myo-kun!)

Note: Back to topic above... If you have read my "CSI" you will remember the first parts of it where we only had audio contact, right? So to cut a long story short. This here will be a bit like that... No interview, it's a phone call between Myotismon and Ladydevimon... And I do give descriptions about what they're doing while talking... Not what you think you perverted! Well you'll get into it!

Just some bit of explanation:

When I write in **bold **it's Myotismon.

When I write in just these normal letters, it's Ladydevimon's side.

And when I write _in italics _it means that me the author and my little friend, momentarily sleeping on the chair next to me, are commenting something.

I'll probably screw it up sometimes, sorry then. I try to avoid that. (Probably going to bed one day before dawn would help...?)

But as I know you're all clever readers (hopefully reviewers) I think you would have figured this without my humble explanations! (Oh look I'm performing Demidevimon!)

Well now let's get into the story.

Chapter one: Epilogue

All fights against evil Digimon are finally over, at least for Tai and his crew and Davis and his crew. (I dun care much for DTs ) Apocalymon is defeated long ago and the DigiDestineds punched the shit out of MaloMyotismon too. That was a year ago... We have peace on earth and in the Digiworld ("Aawh Cute!" sigh Yeah I know that's boring, hold on!). But what the Digidestined and Oikawa did not know...

MaloMyotismon wasn't dead. "Dumdum Duum!" He was heavy wounded, out of energy and really close to death! And then realized that there might be a tiny little chance that he'll loose the fight... Just a really tiny little chance, but it was there! So he decided: _"..."_ (me pokes Myo-kun into his side) _"...Wha? Why you wake me up? It's 2 p.m. ...Huh? Oh now?"_ (clears his throat, me repeats:) _"So he decided!"_ ... _"Damn! Kiss my fucking Mega-level ass! I'll gonna malinger. Faked my death once, can do it twice!"_ Yeah that's what MaloMyotismon thought_. "I would never say 'kiss my fucking Mega-level ass', you know Semi?"_ (I sigh, petting his head) _"Yah I know, but I already told you. I deny that you and MaloMyotismon are 100 the same character, 'cause you' re sexy and he's well... you know what I mean. So he thought that, not you!"_ ( Myo-kun crawls into his coffin again.) _"Can accept this, wake me up when you need me."_

Where was I? ... O yeah... So MaloMyotismon faked his death and disappeared... As he was out of energy... he got back onto Ultra level Myo-kun, with nicer vocabulary and especially body. He went to the Digiworld and when they saw him the atmosphere was as if you're going into a hall full of err... well... Nazis and shout out loud "Hitler was gay and annexed Stalin's anus!" Well this just to explain you why Myo-kun did not stay in the Digiworld. In fact he went to Tokyo, as much of the Digimon villains did (surprise, surprise) and like the other humanoid villains he tried to have a quite... normal life, despite the fact he's a pseudo vampire.

_"Watch out, missy!"_ (me twirls round) _"What? Why' re you awake?"_ (Myo-kun sits upright in his coffin) _"I am no pseudo vampire! I'm the fucking prince of darkness... ° I know, I know!"_ (I sigh ) _"Think again honey... remember the episode where you caused major anemia in Tokyo? You reflected in the woman's eyes! Vampy's dun have a reflection! Ask Vlady!"_ (He puts up his smugly smile) _"Well you should think again! There is a difference between those pathetic human vampires and a noble DigiVampire like myself!"_ (I throw my boot at his head, makes him keel over and take a nap). _"Never defame Vlady and co! Not even you are allowed to!"_

Well... Let's go back. So Myotismon returned to Oikawa's apartment (as he wouldn't need it anymore), gave it a new more Myo-like, but human, style and was kinda content with that way of life. To slowly come to my fanfiction... He already gave Oikawa's phone number to his villain pals when he was possessing Oikawa. So when coming back, he had a lot of calls on the answering machine, that he has not yet heard as he was occupied with redecorating and stuff and problems with his roommate (Demidevimon) for months.

Well it's night out there and Myotismon (without his cape for not causing confusion under the humans) comes back from the 24/7 Shop with heavy plastic bags in each hand. Content? Well ... mainly wine and other alcoholic liquids, cans of bat food for his Grisly Wing pets (he had to order this), amethyst lipgloss, "Vampires Health" magazine (had to order this, too), coffin- and boot-polish and some packages of strong stain remover. (Ever tried to get blood out of your clothes?). He walks up the stairs with the apartment key between his fangs and groans as he has to put down at least one bag to open the door. He walks in and stuffs everything to where it belongs. He throws his boots into a corner of the corridor and sees the little red diode of the answering machine flashing repeatedly, but ignores it and decides to take a shower first.

He strips of his gloves and his military blue suit and turns on the water for it needs some time to warm up. He waits for it barefooted in his navy blue shorts. Than he even takes of his mask and strips down the just mentioned shorts and---- _"Whoa! Ouch!"_ (I was nearly hit by Crimson Lightning, had to cover and hit my head at my desk.) _"DON'T EVEN CONSIDER DESCRIBING THIS IN DETAIL, LITTLE MISS!"_ (My elegant friend woke up. Dammit! Sorry fans! Thought I knocked him out for longer!) _"Calm down, fellow! Ok... TIMEWARP!"_

So Myotismon took his shower without us watching (sob) and is now in clothes again and toweling his hair. He walks through the corridor toweling his hair and again notices the red diode still flashing on and off longing for him to hear the messages. He pushes the button leans against the wall and towels his hair. _"You already said that. Don't they ever dry?"_ (Well, see who came to the chair next to me again!) _"I'm sorry. I just have sort of affection to the image of a handsome guy rubbing his hair with a towel! In this instance: You!"_ (Myo-kun raises an eyebrow and glares at me.) _"Well... keep on writing, just stop toweling my head sore!"_

So Myotismon listens to the messages on his answering machine. (I cut those for Oikawa out!)

**"Myo-chan you ultra-Level brat! Just a joke. Here's Puppetmon. I just wanted to try whether this number works. Click."**

**"Hello Oh Sorry wrong number. Click"**

**"Myotismon-san, I'm Takeru Oda from the HXXXL-Company. I just wanted to inform you that we got your subscription for our magazine 'Vampire chicks gone wild' you'll receive the first issue within two days. Click." **_"SEMI!" "What? You're just a man aren't you? A Digimon villain who lost his destination and can finally behave like the man that he his." He leans back in his chair and sighs. "You're my nemesis!"_

**"Hello my friend. Do you feel lonely? Do you think the world is cruel? We can help you! Come to us. And we will present you the eternal enlightenment for only 100 US$ a month. Please call us. 0800-. Click."**

**"Hey Myo-kun. Here's Ladydevimon. I just wanted to check the number. But you seem not to be at home. I'll try it again. Click."**

**"Noble master Myotismon-sama. Are you there? Please answer the phone if you're there, master. It's me Demidevimon, remember? I just wanted to phone you 'cause I really miss you, master! Can't I be you're lackey again even though you took control over that human? Please master! I'm not offended because you absorbed me to digivolve to VenomMyotismon. And you know everyone in the Digiworld is threatening me to harm me. They don't like me, master. But you did. You were always so nice to me and I alw--- TUUUUT."**

**"It's me again, master. That answering machine thing cut me off. It's just like all those Digimons who couldn't understand your genius, master! Like this terrible Gatomon pussy, what a bitch! And this drunkard Wizardmon, but you gave him quite a thing to digest! You're always my number one Digimon Lord, yes you are! No matter what the people say! And those DigiDestined will learn that too! Master Myotismon-sama, please I need you! You are so intelligent and this human world's so bi--- TUUUUT." **

**"Hey Myo-kun it's me Ladydevimon. When we met yesterday in Odaiba you said you would phone me. I'm still waiting for your call! Hurry up man! Click."**

**"Hello, master. This thing is really evil. It cut me off again. What I wanted to say was, that the human world's so big and noisy and frightening me. And you always know how to behave in this kind of world, master. And how to get all the advantages of it. And I'm kinda lost in this big vivid city, especially without you master. I would do everything if you would take me back! I could feed your bats and take them on a walk and I would polish your boots every day and I could do so much things for you, master. Please I beg yo--- TUUUUT." **_"Twenty calls off Demidevimon later..." Myo-kun laughs complacently. "Well that's what I call in-character!" I blush. Never did before... strange..."Thanks a lot! Though I could've made it better..."_

**"... So, master Myotismon-sama. You're still not at home? That's so sad... Well I thought about something, master. Now that you have an apartment, I thought about becoming your roommate... Only if you like to, of course master! Oh why aren't you at home noble master Myotismon-sama? I gonna visit your apartment tomorrow, maybe I got luck and you're there then, master? Well I hope to see you tomorrow master Myotismon-sama. Click."**

**"Hey Myo-kun! It's LadyD I'm getting slightly angry! You still haven't phoned me and why the hell is your connection permanently occupied? Are you calling sex-hotlines or d'you have a new bitch to phone! Click."**

**"Hello my friend Myotismon. Here is Piedmon. The Dark Masters and me are planning a little party with lot's of alcohol. Maybe some Vestalmons will join too. I thought this would be something to cheer you up after that Oikawa-incident. Call me for details. You got my number. Click." **_"Vestalmon? Never heard of those."I grin cheekily and think he would like them. "Sure they don't exist. I first thought about Lapdancemon but that would've been to obvious!" He rubs his temples. "And you're sure that you're not a DigiDestined? For you cause as much headache as them!" I just nod._

**"Helloooo. Myo-kun! I'm waiting for your call for about a week now! What are you doing? It's not difficult, you know! Get up the receiver, push the buttons with my number on it and TALK TO ME FOR HELL'S SAKE!. Click." **

**"Good morning Myotismon, or should I say good Night? Anyway… It is sad that you have missed our bash. You really have missed something mate! But I think you would be in a far worse state than Puppetmon is now. Do not ask in what state he is… You don't want to know that. By the way, you would not believe the things MetalSeadramon did! But I filmed it with my cell-phone. So if you would come over to us, I could show it to you and him, as he cannot remember a bit… Bye. Click."**

**"Myo-kun? Hey I dunno what you're doing all the time! But normally when people say, they call someone they do it WITHIN two weeks! Man you're infuriating! Why' re you so busy? I thought you gave up the stuff about these brats! Call me, or else! Click."**

**"Myotismon! Get up the damn receiver and call me! I cannot sit next to the phone, waiting all the time. You know? Or maybe you're getting senile with your 800 years. To remind you: CALL LADYDEVIMON!. Click."**

**"Hey Myo-kun ya bastard! Here's Etemon! Hey I'm opening my own little Disco, with my own songs! If you like come and see it. You'll get free entrance. You're attracting girls to come in, man! Hey you could run ad for me! We discuss that later! Click."**

**"Myotismon Vamdemon! When will you condescend your ass to call me! Man you're so… so… ARGH! (rude)Click."**

**"Well… err Myotismon… Here's Etemon again… Well, forget that about my Disco… I had to close. First day went but then nobody came again and… well. See ya. Click."**

**"OK THAT'S IT BOY! I'M THROUGH WITH YOU! NEVER DARE TO TALK TO ME AGAIN! IF YOU CAN'T EVEN MUSTER ONE MINUTE TO CALL ME! YOU'RE SUCH A WANKER! (very rude) CLICK!" **_"Well, that's in fact not very nice of her, is it?" He lays his head slanted. I nod. "Yeah but it has to be this way, or I couldn't go on with my fanfic. 'Cause you need a reason to call her." _

This was the last message and Myotismon, against his nature, was slightly discomfited. Well it was not his fault he couldn't call! But she was a nice girl and someone he didn't want to pick a quarrel with. He remembered her high heels… still got a scar on his shin…

So Myotismon decided to stop toweling his hair (sadly) and call her now. So be ready for the phone call friends!

"Ahem… Semiramis? Before you start writing the next chapter… Shall I switch on the heating?" (I'm slightly confused.) "What? What are you talking about?" (He shrugs.) "I just thought you might be freezing." (I get even more confused and try to unravel his look.) "Huh? I'm not with yo--- Aaah! WHERE' RE YOU STARING AT!" ( I slap him in the face, he rubs over his cheek. One can see the outline of my hand on it. 'cool') "I did NOT stare. Vampires just have really sensitive… senses! And I noticed you're getting goose-pimples. That's it, no need to hurt me." (I glare at him.) "I dun have goose-pimples on my boo--- Well where you just stared at!" _"Cannot stare to where nothing is! whisper" _"WHAT YOU' VE SAID!" (He sweatdrops and slides slightly away from me.) "Nothin!" (I clear my throat.) "Well fans… You'll have to wait for the second chapter to read the phone call… As I have a bone to pick with a certain bat!"

End chapter one.

offscreen

"Hey! Don't you run away, lad!"

"Ah! Get off from me, child! Ouch!"

"You little jerk. I thought you're a nobleman!"

"Ow! NO go away!"

"NEVER You have to pay for this! HAIKEEBA!"

"AAAAHHH! Being a nobleman doesn't mean... OUCH… to be a noble man as well! Ack---Stop that!"

"DIE BASTARD! DIE!" _Making sounds like in PSYCHO._

"Is it possible that you're slightly exaggerati--- YA-OW!"

"Will never have a chance to pick on you again! Have to relish it!"

"Aaahh not that thing! Please everything but not THAT! NO GERMAN YODEL! PLEASE!"

"You can run, but you cannot hide! MUAHAHAHAHA!" _Loud Yodel music in the background._

"You scare me! Really turn that off!"

"Damn! I forgot I have to listen to it, too." _Music stops. _"Then I'll hit you again!"

"Don't even think about it! CRIMSON LIGHTNING!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

"Oh please! Now you're really exaggerating I didn't even hit something near you!"

"You… you… you attack me? _loud sniffing _I thought… I thought we were… were friends…" _Keeps on sniffing loud._

"Err… I didn't meant to… hey stop crying… Hey ! Don't you blow your nose in my cape!"

"How can you… be so cruel… I was just … making fun… and you… and you…" _Keeps on sniffing aloud._

"C'mon Semi, I'm sorry! Here take my hand I'll help you up!"

"Thank's!" _Sniffing abruptly stopped._

"You're welco --- YAAAAAAAAAOOOOoowwwwllll! Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurted! Ow … uuuhhh… Damn you little … ow… uh… Using my compassion for that foul trick! Ouch. Right into the family's gems… uuuhhh you're a bitch! Nothing mo-ow… A nasty little infantile ow terrible ow DigiDestined-like ow bitch! Ow…mommy…ouch. Thaaaaaat hurts! Gosh!"

"Well… I really didn't want to hit that hard… Err Myo-kun?"

"Keep away from me! Let me rest in peace! Let me suffer my agony alone!" _Kinda melodramatic voice._

"O c'mon, we'll do some ice onto it… nah that would make it worse… err I'm not so well versed with guys stuff… Can I get you a pillow or something?"

"Just keep away from me! You're far worse than Angewomon! I won't speak a word with you again!"

"Ok that really hurt, Mister! That really hit me right here, you know?"

"YOU'RE HEART'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR CHEST YOU SCHIZOPHRENIC MORON!"

"See, you talk to me again!"

"Stop grinning so brainless! Go on writing your fanfic and let me recover!"

**Author's note:**

**Hy there. Well I've send Myo-kun to his coffin, he's sleeping right now. I think he's not really injured… he just simulates to stop me from hitting him. Actually I'm the jerk somehow… I just did this because I wanted to find out something … I had a wager with a friend about the size… And well seems as if I won 50 bugs! Yeah! _spoiled grin_ But don't tell Myotismon he'll "Grisly Wing"- me to death if he finds out… '**

**Please review and cheer for the next chap. Thanks. **

**P.S.: "Get well"- Cards for Myo- kun to my address please.**


	2. The call

Author's Note: Hi again. Well Myotismon in fact did almost recover. I prepared a nice warm (not too warm) bath for him, with some sort of ethereal oils to relax (I'm quite good in choosing the right ones) And I did not even try to watch him... And then I wrapped him into my most favorite and most fluffy bathrobe. (Well actually I just gave it to him.) And I put a cup of nice flesh-warm blood into his hands to warm up his shattered body and mind. And I opened a bottle of my wonderful, deep ruby, dry Rumanian Cabernet Sauvignon… Do you feel comfortable? Myotismon sips from the cup. Not looking at me. "I feel better, if it is that what you mean. But still… If there will be any problems occurring with my virility. I will sue you until you will never know up and down again!" He stirs circles in the blood with his forefinger and licks the blood from it without any emotion shown on his face. I sweatdrop.

Just some bit of explanation:

When I write in **bold **it's Myotismon.

When I write in just these normal letters, it's Ladydevimon's side.

And when I write _in italics _it means that me the author and my little friend, momentarily sleeping on the chair next to me, are commenting something.

I'll probably screw it up sometimes, sorry then. I try to avoid that. (Probably going to bed one day before dawn would help...?)

But as I know you're all clever readers (hopefully reviewers) I think you would have figured this without my humble explanations! (Oh look I'm performing Demidevimon!) Repetition!

Well now let's go into the story.

Chapter two: Please hold the line...

**Myotismon gets his wireless phone and then nudges with it onto his chin as he tries to remember LadyDevimon's number. He rummages through lot's of little notes to find it. Finally he dials her number.**

Tooouuuuut----- Tooouuuuut-----Tooouuuuut----- Crackle.

"Yeah hello, who's there?"

**"Hi LadyDe---"** Click

**° Myotismon stares at the phone, not really surprised. He dials again.**

Tooouuuuuut----- Tooouuuuut-----Tooouuuut----- Crackle.

"Myotismon! Fuck off, bastard!" Click

**Myotismon sighs and puts the phone back into the charge station. Just as he decides to go into the kitchen, the phone's jingle resounds. Myotismon grins smugly and answers the call.**

**"Hello, LadyDevimon." He says with a 'I know you would call'-tune in his voice. **

"Uhh I can't believe I call you, you jerk!"

**"Actually it was me who called first…" **

"FIRST? You didn't call for weeks!"

**"Yes and therefore I wanted to apologize. I had not heard your messages, until now."**

"Well why'd you have an answering machine if you don't listen to it?"

**"Actually it's Oikawa's answering machine----"**

"UUHHHH! I'm tired of your fucking vindications! You're nothing more than a bloody damned pedophilic, pussy- banging sodomit! And the most terrible thing is that you know how damn sexy you are and that women can not withstand your breathtak-… fucking blue eyes, you blasted jackass! And you're always exploiting that! You son of a goat-rapist and a DigiDestined bitch!"

**Myotismon listens and smirks. **_"That is true, well not the insults, but I am indeed very cognizant of the sway I have over the frail gender!" He leans back in his chair very complacent. I sweatdrop. "Yeah yeah, shut up you chauvinist!" _

**"Oh my. Are you kissing Devimon with that soiled mouth?" He speaks with a charming undertone.**

"You're such an infuriating basta--- No, I quitted our liaison… Aah! What am I saying!" She sounds bewildered.

**"Tell me, how does it come you do have finished with Devimon." His voice is somehow alluring now.**

"I … uhm … Champions can be so simple-minded some times… err… He was not on my level at all… Aaahhh! I'm angry with you! Why do I tell you that!" She's

completely puzzled.

**"And what would be more your type of Digimon, my dear?" He really sounds seductive.**

"He has to be Ultra level leastways, tall, strong and a fervid lover… Aah Myotismon! Stop speaking with that voice of yours!" She slowly realizes what's going on.

**"Is this description supposed to be a broad hint onto someone you already have in your mind?" He still keeps on talking in that amorous way.**

"Yes… I always was in love with…YOU! STOP MAKING ME TELL YOU MY FEELINGS!" She shouts into the receiver causing a nasty beeping in Myotismon's ear.

**He holds the phone away from his head when she finishes the call with a loud CLICK.**

**He looks at the clock and counts. "Six, five, four, three, two, one---" Ring Ring. **

**He grins smugly and answers the call.**

**"That hurt, you know!"**

"You deserve that!"

**"Ok… So why did you wanted me to call you? Because you needed someone to sob on about Devi?" His voice is normal now. He takes the phone to the other ear and walks over to the kitchen.**

"No of course not! I left him not opposite!"

**"So why then?" He opens the fridge and fetches a transparent little plastic bag with red content out of it. "Mhm… 1986... 00 positive... Good vintage." **_This time Myo seatdrops. "How does it come you always have to bring yourself into a fanfic?" I frown. "How does it come; you know my year of birth?" "From that little amulet you're carrying around your neck, that says 'tiger' on it!" I shrug. "Oh Ok!" I just want to get back to the story when… "Hey! Wait a moment! Where do you know my blood group and Rhesus factor from?" Gigantic sweatdrop next to Myo's temple. "Uhm… Oh look it' s dawning! Have to go!" And of he goes…_

"I simply wanted to talk with you about my problems with the DigiDestined and stuff and so on."

**"You cannot tell me something new about the DigiDestined. Your problems had been my problems, too. Let us talk about 'stuff and so on' if you don't mind." He opens the microwave and puts the blood bag into it for about half a minute to have it flesh warm but not hot enough to denature the proteins. **_"How do you know about that, Semi?" I look up from the keyboard. "Huh? You're back? Well I just thought… No one likes clotted blood, or do you?" He shakes his head in disgust. "Absolutely not. Regardless of the repulsive look it has, it is in exactly the same way difficult to suck as it is more like pulp than like blood. __Ugh!" °°° "Err… ok… Let's get back to the story!"_

"Well ok... Let's be friends again. I've missed that horny feeling your voice gives me!"

**"Thank you a lot for this, my prettiness. Now tell me, how have you been past your reconfiguration?" He walks over to the living room and let himself fall onto the couch. **

"Uh this little Elecmon guarding the baby-Digimons was so annoying! And---" **Myotismon interrupts her abruptly. **

**"Please, do not say something against Elecmons. You know me, I am slightly sensitive with the past." **_"Do I have to understand this, Semiramis?" __I sigh. "Err… I just like the fact that Elecmon can digivolve to Bakemon and we all know to whom Bakemon can digivolve, right? And you have to admit, Elecmon has lovely blue eyes and a lightning attack and it's blue and crimson, isn't it?" He raises an eyebrow. "So you assume my Rookie level to be Elecmon? Ahem… go on writing." °_

"Ok, nothing against Elecmon! Where was I? Oh yes and then it took me quite some time to digivolve onto my Ultra level again. Afterwards I came back to Tokyo. Hey tell me, what happened to your children?"

**"Pardon?" He's slightly confused.**

"Or call it your progeny… I mean Mummymon and Arukenimon."

**"Oh those… Well, you know… uhm… Let's just say they had been naughty children and had needed to be penalized." He clamps the phone between his head and his shoulder and rips open the blood bag with his fangs. **

"You want to say, you've killed them, right?"

**"Yes." **

"Let's never have children! Anyway I really liked you without your mask!"

**"Excuse me, what! You never saw me without my mask, no one did!"**

"Ah well actually it wasn't really you. It was a caricature in the MAD-magazine about the whole Digimon hype… Just a little pic of Steven Spielberg making a film with the DigiDestineds fighting against the evil 'Nazimons'… and guess who was their leader showing the Hitler-salute!"

**"NO! You're kidding! Why me?"**

"Perhaps because, I'm sorry but it's true, you seem like the embodiment of what the Nazis thought to be the Aryan race…"

**Myotismon groans in displeasure. "You mean: a ruthless, tall, strong and intelligent blonde with blue eyes? Damn! I heard that before! And it showed me without my mask? Two insults! I will have to sue them! Can you send me the pic via e-mail?" **

"Yes I'll send it tomorrow, but after all you still look handsome in it!"

**"Well I'm not quite sure whether to take this as a compliment or as an affront! Let us change the topic!" **

"Err… Ok… Could I talk to DemiDevimon for a second?"

**"No. Why?" He takes a mouthful of the blood and closes his eyes.**

"Why not?"

**"I have kicked him out of my apartment. He was a terrible roommate. Even when I finally wrote my name onto my stuff in the fridge he did not stop to eat it, too. Not to mention his droppings… I'm sorry but he is not to become house-trained!"**

"And where is he now?" She sounds slightly bothered.

**"Lying around drunk in the gutter I suppose. Why?"**

"He's your friend! Aren't you worried about him?"

**"No. Some dim-witted idiot will find him and take him home. Then he can unnerve this poor soul but not me."**

A voice in the background: "Did you ask him? What does he say? Can I come back?"

**"Whose voice was that? It sounded so terrible familiar." °°°°**

"Dim-witted idiot!"

**"Ehm… I… I surely did not mean…"**

"I know, you didn't meant me!" She sounds angry.

**"Ahahaha… sigh … No really you picked him up?"**

"Yes, and it's so nasty of you to kick this poor lad out in cold and stormy days like these!"

**"You're not trying to appeal to my conscience, are you? For I do not have such a thing, you know!" He topples the rest of the blood down his throat.**

"Oh c'mon Myo! I know you have, otherwise you wouldn't have called me!"

**"Good argument!" He looks into the empty plastic bag, slightly mournful of it being empty so soon and wipes away the blood from the corner of his mouth.**

"As I said and Demidevimon is such a poor, cute and fluffy, nice little bunch of feathers!"

**Myotismon just laughs hysterically.**

"He is! I'm telling you!"

**"He's all but poor, cute and fluffy and nice!"**

"He is!" She's slightly stubborn!

**"He's an unnerving twit!"**

"He's sooooo cute!"

**"Demidevimon is surely the most---." **He's interrupted by Ladydevimon' s loud voice.

"Lalalalalalalalala! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala!"

**Myotismon sits up on his couch, sweatdrops and waits for her to stop singing.**

"He is cute! CUTE! CUTE! CUTE! CUTE!" _"Did you drug her in this story?" Ah my fanfics seems to be interesting or he wouldn't be silent for such a long time. "No I just like DemiDevimon!" He slides away from me. "Are you serious!" I laugh maniacally. "Mwuahahahaha…No…Could you just trust in me! Everything in this fic happens for a reason! So where was I?… Oh yes, she called him cute, cute, cute!"_

**"Well… I do know someone who's behaving like a Rookie, right now!" Myotismon rolls with his eyes, gets up and walks over to the kitchen again.**

"That's not true! He is just cute!"

**"Tell me something, my dear. Are you trying to convince me to take him back with this –he's so cute- jabbering?" He opens the cupboard and fetches a bottle of wine out. He sighs as he misses his castle's wine cellar.**

"… Uhm… no… err… he's cute…"

**"LadyDe please be honest to me. You know I can make you tell the truth!" He uncorks the wine with his fangs and spits the stopper into the dustbin.**

"OK! OK! HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS! I GONNA NEED A PSYCHIATRIST IF YOU DON'T TAKE HIM BACK LIKE LIGHTNING!" She sobs into the receiver.

**Myotismon laughs compassionated as he takes a glass and pours the ruby vine blood. "Welcome to my world!"**

"That's not funny, Myo! Really you gotta help me! I dunno what to do!"

**"Please stop crying directly into the receiver! You do know about my sensitive ears! I'll see what I can do." He grabs the bottle, walks back to the living room and slumps down onto the couch.**

"You'll take him back? Right? Please tell me you will!" She sounds despairing.

**"Gosh! Yes, I will take him back! But only if he learns to behave! He screwed all my plans about the crests! Tell him he has to become more composed or I'll send him to MetalSeadramon with my best regards for this dinner!"**

DemiDevimon celebrates in the background. "He will! Oh thank you, boss! You're the one and only!"

**Myotismon **and LadyDevimon sigh simultaneously.

**"After finishing this…Had he been the whole reason you wanted me to call?" He swivels the glass against the rays of moonlight causing crimson light outlines on the opposite wall.**

"No… I really needed someone to talk and tell about my life!"

**"…" Myotismon's eyes narrow to slits, actually he's not interested of being her concern-phone.**

"Myo? Are you still there?"

**"Yes… I just… Have you ever heard of a thing called daybook aka. diary?" **

"Ahem… yes, but I thought a diary would never have such a gorgeous voice like you!"

**Myotismon sighs. "You know you can always catch me by my self-esteem…"**

"Right! That kicked you down the abyss' edge every time you fought with the DigiDestined!"

**"Would you mind not to shove salt into the exposed wound!" He grinds his teeth.**

LadyDevimon giggles. "As you like it! Hey do you know I found a wonderful new make-up and clobber shop."

**"No I didn't. Anyway, why should I?" He sips the wine and lets his tongue relish it, in enjoyment he closes his lids.**

"… They have amethyst lip gloss! And I thought we two could go shopping together…"

**Myotismon's eyes shoot open. He coughs. "Wha… What! Would you repeat yourself please?"**

"Yes, I thought about us two going shopping. We could try on clothes and tell each other how sexy we look and we could find some handsome men for us!"

**Myotismon is shaken by a cough attack.**

**"You're koff kidding! Tell me that koff you just fo-koff-ol around koff!"**

"What'd you mean, sweetie? Oh I understand you're the kind that still likes football and so on, even though you're---"

**"I'M NOT GAY! WHY DO YOU---!" He shouts into the receiver still trembling from the shock. **_"I thought I should notice you readers that Myo just slipped from his chair into a comatose condition… I will not try to arouse him. He will wake up alone, latest when I strip my shoes…:P Just a joke!"_

"I thought with the lip gloss thing and your good relationship to Piedmon and you always care for your appearance and…" She stutters and is **disrupted by him.**

**"Ok I admit, the lip gloss may be eccentric, but what is wrong about a well-groomed appearance? Am I supposed to walk around like… like…Ogremon? And Piedmon…We are just good friends… colleagues! Maybe he wants me to be… but I'm not! I assure you!… Who by all binary codes brought you onto this?"**

"… Uhm… Well… actually it was…DemiDevimon… And I thought you were living with him so long, he ought to know!"

**Myotismon rubs his temples. There is a slight headache arising under his towhead. With a calm voice he speaks to her.**

**"Could you give me DemiDevimon for a second?" **

"Oh yes, of course! Demi! Myo wants you!" **She cannot see the glass crushed in Myotismon's hand and she did not notice the suppressed ire in his voice.**

"Hi boss! My am I happy to hear your again! I knew you've got a warm heart!"

**"Yes… I just found out how warm I actually am…" **Even DemiDevimon can not overhear the grinding of teeth at the other side of the line…

"Err… why are you so grumpy, boss?" LadyDevimon leaves the room for getting herself something to drink.

**"Did you tell LadyDevimon that I would be gay!" Myotismon pulls the glass splinters out of his hand and licks his own blood.**

"Well… err… noble master Myotismon-sama… You know… that was when you… when you'd just kicked me, boss… and I was a bit angry with you… uhm…"

As LadyDevimon reenters the room, DemiDevimon hands the receiver over to her.

"Thanks, what did he want from you?"

"What? I'm sorry I don't understand you… I think I'm deaf, but there is this terrible ring in my ears…" She is slightly puzzled.

"Myo? What did you do to him?"

**Moytismon clears his throat, he sounds a bit hoarse. "I just told him that I really look forward to him coming home!"**

"Why do you say that with that cynical undertone?" She raises an eyebrow.

**"Oh did I? For no further reason! Maybe he's already driving me crazy, too."**

"Oh he makes the bat batty?" She sniggers about her joke.

**"My what an exceedingly amusing wordplay!" His sarcasm could bring a clown to tears.**

**"However! Can I ask you something LadyDevimon?"**

"Always my lord!"

**° "Thinking I would be gay, was that the reason why you never asked me for a date?"**

LadyDevimon blushed and was thankful that he couldn't see it. "Well… yes… but I never would have dared it yet, even if I knew you were hetero…"

**"And I always wondered why you did not succumb to my charm… But now as I know, that I started on the complete wrong basements…" He taps his forefinger against his canine tooth and considers.**

"Myo would you… would you mind if we…"

**He listens up. "Yes? Do go on!"**

"Would you like to go out with me?… I want to have a date with you! sigh The cat's out of the bag!"

**Myotismon grins smugly. "Primary you should not talk of 'cats' in the same breath with asking me for a date! And then… I think I could find some space for you in my schedule, yes!" **

"Someone ever told you how damn arrogant you are?"

**He laughs. "I've stopped counting the departed, if you understand."**

"Would you mind if I was at your door in about… ten minutes?"

**"I would appreciate it my dear! But don't bring the twit with you!"**

"I feel you in ten minutes then!" Click

**Myotismon looked out of the window into the dark of the night and waited for the bell to ring… But this is another story…**

**-end-**

offscreen

"Terrible, if you ask me!"

"What? Why is it terrible, Myo? I mean, you've got wine, you've got blood, you've got the chick and a nice home… "

"And soon I'll have DemiDevimon, too!"

"You're a querulous little bat!"

"But I'm right! And why does it always have to be LadyDevimon? She's walking around like a prostitute! She would never fit to my elegant style! Why not someone else?"

"Because contrasts attract each other! It's like Cinderella, she's finding her dark prince! And someone else? You mean like… Angewomon? …Huh?…Oh is that a blushing around your nose?"

"NO YOU MEDDLESOME DOLT!"

"Bitten dogs bark!"

"What do you mean with that? Don't you just shrug at me!"

"I'm not saying a word!"

"Stop grinning in that way, or else!"

"Be careful, Myo! I still can edit the story!"

"Oh yes? Am I supposed to be afraid now?"

"Ok… You've asked for it!" _Typing on a keyboard._

"Hey! What are you writing there?"

edit:

**Myotismon looked out of the window into the dark night and waited for the bell to ring… and suddenly he woke up in the large four poster he'd changed with his coffin. He was soaked in sweat like from a nightmare. A tender hand fondled over his naked chest and a familiar voice tried to calm him. **

**"Everything is alright my sweetheart! You just had a bad, bad nightmare." Myotismon buried his face in his comely hands.**

**"I hope you are right… Oh I'm so sorry I must have really disappointed you…I… failed…" He was forced to lay back down again while his bedfellow licked from his neck up to behind his ear, causing Myotismon to shiver slightly.**

**"It's not so bad. You're just too strained, my love. We can try it again in some minutes if you like." Myotismon sighed and snuggled up to his love.**

**"Yes… as often as we can, until day will tear us apart." And his tongue engaged with Piedmon's in a wrestling of sweating bodies until they---**_"STOP IT SEMI!"_

offscreen

"What? Don't tell me you did not like it!"

"It's stomach-turning! Please never do this again!"

"Oh c'mon it was soooo romantic!"

"Until the point I found out it was Piedmon… And what you meant with I…failed….?"

"Well isn't that obvious? It's what may be happening to you after last chapter's offscreen!"

"…o.o?…°°° Oh you mean I couldn't… ARGH! You unnerving pubertal brat! Never do that again!"

"Are you sure? I wanted you to have wonderful sexual intercourse with that Digimon who made you become a Digimon in my other fanfic, I 'm working on at the moment…"

"You mean B---?"

"Shhht! Don't you spoiler! Myotismon! That name's still top secret!"

"At least she's a female! Ok… Let's say never do that again with a male or unattractive Digimon!… Or humans! Especially not DigiDestined"

"Dammit! How d' you know that!… Ok but only if you'll stay here for a while!"

"I can't promise that! Someone might need me in another fanfic right now. Actually I'd like to comment on **The Digi-Nightmare Before Christmas by AthEnA1999**…"

"You like it because Gatomon is dead, right?"

"Am I such an unsurprising Digimon?"

"No… I just wanted you to run ad for a good author! Here's your blood."

"It's half past five in the morning… Shouldn't you slowly go and sleep, Semi?"

"Yeah… You're coming with me?"

"In your dreams!"

"I'll see you in ten minutes then :P !"

' "Good night Semiramis!"

A/N: I know I'm so stupid but it's not happening very often that I finish a story within less than a month… or that I even finish it at all!

So please let me fool around with him… I never read a Myotismon/Piedmon yaoi before I wrote this little… Well never mind :P. About the 'Nazimons'… This was not my idea, because I dunno if you know it but this picture actually exists! In Germany it was the issue Nr. 032 of may 2001…And though he really has no mask it's quite obviously that it's Myo! But he's not alone. There's a nazi-Bakemon, nazi-Pumkin and Gotsumon, a nazi-Gazimon, something that could be a nazi-Devidramon and something that looks more like a Teletubbie than like a Digmon. If there're Myo-philes amongst you that can not live on without seeing that picture… Review my story, put a nice little 'please' into it and I will send you an e-mail with it.

As for the rest: I would be really happy if you would review! Thanks a lot folks!


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